By Kai Curry
NORTHWEST ASIAN WEEKLY
From left: Richard Lui, Dr. Kate Zhong, and Jim Dever
There are over 53 million caregivers in the United States, possibly closer to 60 million. These caregivers are of all ages—nearly half are millennials or younger—and the people they care for come in all varieties. In spite of this, caregivers, and those they care for, are something of an invisible group. They are subjected to stereotypes of what a caregiver is, or who receives care, and they often feel alone. For these reasons, it’s important that caregivers also take care of themselves. Journalist and documentarian, Richard Lui, and geriatric psychiatrist, Dr. Kate Zhong, spoke on March 19 at Seattle’s Town Hall about caregiving and brain health. The free event was hosted by AARP Washington, BECU, and KING 5.
“One of our priorities is around supporting family caregivers,” explained Marguerite Ro, state director of AARP Washington. “I’m talking about those people who are unpaid caregivers, who are caring for their friends or their family or their neighbors.” According to Ro, there are about 820,000 unpaid family caregivers in Washington state.
Daphne Kwok (left) and Marguerite Ro
Ro’s partner at the national level, Daphne Kwok, vice president of AARP’s office of diversity, equity, and inclusion, told the audience that she and Lui had spent time prior to the event “meeting with family caregivers, hearing from what their needs are. You often hear that people feel they’re very alone…With these kinds of programs, we hope…to build a village that will help support one another.”
Lui has made two documentary films—“Sky Blossom” and “Unconditional”—on the subject of caregiving, and is the author of “Enough about Me: The Unexpected Power of Selflessness.” Lui took time away from a successful career as a journalist in order to care for his father, who had Alzheimer’s. In “Sky Blossom,” he put the focus on young people who care for their parents, in addition to going to school or work.
“You see all these different parts of the fabric of America doing one great thing, and that’s just caring for family,” Lui said in an introductory video. Lui’s journey, and those of many caregivers, imposes upon a person the prerogative to live outside the box, to create a new paradigm—because taking care of that loved one becomes paramount.
Lui recalled for the audience and emcee, KING 5’s Jim Dever, the day he walked into his boss’s office to tell her that his dad had Alzheimer’s and Lui wanted to take care of him. Turns out, his boss was a caregiver, too—Lui had no idea, as is often the case—and was willing to work out a mutually acceptable arrangement. For Lui, his boss represented “the ability of all of us, in all of what we do…to bring creative kindness to what we decide on because in that moment…she decided, let’s think twice about what is the dominant culture in our industry and we can do that.”
“Despite [what] it looks like at first,” as if “they couldn’t possibly have anything in common… there are a lot of commonalities to caregiving,” stated Dever, also a caregiver. The audience? Full of caregivers. Lui’s films cover the type of variety that exists in who cares for whom. There is the stereotype of the adult child caring for the parent with dementia or Alzheimer’s. But there is also the wife caring for the husband with PTSD. Or a parent caring for a grown child.
“It’s not the narrative of you and me (Dever) being the sandwich generation, the 50-somethings, or whatever, the 60-somethings, that are going through caregiving,” said Lui, whose passion for the subject was apparent throughout the presentation. “All the stereotypes that we bring into the conversation of caregiving are incorrect.” As Lui explained, “it’s an all age thing.”
During the event, clips of Lui’s new documentary, “Unconditional,” were shown and it was heart-wrenching. “The father I’ve known has been disappearing. He’s still my dad, but our relationship is definitely changing,” says Lui in the film. “Little by little, Alzheimer’s is basically taking away little bits of his brain. And maybe a little bit of me, too.” Lui mentions how it was hard to tell at first that his father was experiencing Alzheimer’s. In the case of his family, and many families, there was also denial. “Mom’s not remembering things because she just never listens,” Dever corroborated, remembering the response of a sibling to their mother’s mental deterioration. Lui emphasized that it’s okay to not feel perfect. You will never feel you are doing it right when it comes to caregiving. And as Zhong chimed in, you’ve got to care for yourself at the same time.
Richard Lui and Dr. Kate Zhong spoke on caregiving and brain health
“Without your own health—physical health, mental health, cognitive health—you cannot provide proper care to your loved ones,” said Zhong.
Zhong is the founder of the Brainnovation Initiative at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and a founding member of the AARP Global Council on Brain Health. She is also a caregiver for her mother.
“It’s a very daunting task to take care of our loved ones,” Zhong acknowledged. “We know that caregivers have increased risk for depression, for anxiety, for heart disease, for Alzheimer’s. Zhong gave the audience a list—the six pillars—that they could implement to improve brain health. One of the most common questions Zhong gets from her patients and their families is: “What can we do so that I don’t get Alzheimer’s like what my mom has? Like what my dad has? What can I do so that my children don’t get Alzheimer’s?” Thankfully, according to Zhong, and extensive research on the brain, “the answer is yes, there is a lot you can do.”
Particularly, Zhong advises, through her six pillars, that we all 1) exercise regularly, 2) eat right, 3) manage our sleep, 4) stay social, and 5) manage our stress. As one questioner in the audience pointed out, it can be hard to tackle all of this at once, so where should we start? Zhong suggested first, get good sleep; and second, engage with others.
“Pick up the phone, talk to your family, talk to your friends…get on social media. You might just spend five minutes and that helps you with overall social engagement.” There is proof that brain cells can be nourished by the right diet (Zhong recommends the MIND diet) and that nerve cells can be increased, which “helps to improve the nerve connections and can even thicken your brain cortex,” Zhong said.
“We all go through these four types of people,” Lui reminded, quoting from Rosalind Carter, who was a great supporter of mental health and caregiving. “We are either caregivers, we were caregivers, we will be caregivers, or we’re caregiver recipients.” Caregiving will change your life. However, you will never feel more human than when engaged in this act of love. “I’m the best human that I’ve ever been,” said Lui. I know it’s so difficult for so many caregivers along the way but…there is great joy, despite difficulty, there’s great humanity.”
For support for caregivers from AARP locally and nationally, go to states.aarp.org/washington/washington-caregivers and aarp.org/caregiving.
Kai can be reached at info@nwasianweekly.com.
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