By Wayne Chan
NORTHWEST ASIAN WEEKLY
It’s amazing how many things you really can’t live without until the moment you realize you’ve been living without them your whole life. Take my car, for example.
I’ve owned a bunch of cars my whole life, and the current car I drive seems like the perfect fit for me. It drives well, there’s plenty of space, and it gets me to where I want to go.
Seems pretty simple, right? I decided to go with a Tesla, because I liked the idea of charging up at home, and since we have solar panels at our house, our fuel costs are very manageable. And being kind to the environment is a pretty nice benefit as well.
For anyone who has ever considered buying an electric vehicle (EV), there have always been two main factors—what is the range on one charge and where can I go to get a quick charge on the road? Not too much else to worry about.
But now I find out that in China, the Chinese EV makers have flipped that thinking on its head. Now, it’s not just about how much range the car has and where you can charge it, but there are a lot of other decisions to make. They must be doing something right because the world’s top EV maker is now China’s BYD, which took over the top spot from Tesla late last year.
So what are some of these decisions that Chinese consumers must consider when buying an electric car? How about a refrigerator to keep all your drinks icy cold? Not luxe enough? How about seats (including backseats) that fully recline so that you can watch a movie from the 32” screen that rolls down from the headliner of the car? I’m just going to assume that this movie watching experience is while the car is parked.
Cartoon by Wayne Chan
Now, all of a sudden, I’m feeling deprived. Refrigerator? Movie screen? All my car does is get me from point A to point B. How did I ever survive this? Apparently, I’m still living in the ice age because I can’t get any ice-cold drinks until I get home!
Well, enough of this. Tesla, get your act together. We need options. And I, for one, will not sit idly by until my car allows me to sit in a fetal position in my car. Wait, is that right? I won’t sit until I can sit…well, you know what I mean!
Here are some other features I’d like in my next car.
AFGPS—This stands for “Air Fryer Global Positioning System”. I want a car that not only gives me driving directions, but shoots boneless chicken wings directly into my mouth from the direction that I’m supposed to turn. It’s a win-win feature. Not only do I get the directions I need, but I get nourishment at the same time.
Artificial Intelligence Sound System—Having a stereo system in my car that plays music is sooo 2023. I want a sound system that thinks and behaves for me. When I go pick up someone in my car, I want my sound system to notice that I’ve been listening to Barry Manilow’s greatest hits all day and automatically switch the music to Pink Floyd or Metallica. Another A.I. feature—whenever I pull into a drive thru fast-food place, the sound system can automatically blare out, “No, I don’t want any fries with that!”
Jiffy Pop Airbags—Dual Function, self explanatory, no description necessary.
The future is just waiting for us. Elon, give me a call. I have a lot more ideas. I’ll be waiting.
There have always been two primary considerations for everyone thinking about purchasing an electric vehicle (EV).