By Assunta Ng
When you read that headline, you probably thought, “Is she crazy? What is she thinking?”
Within me, I embody 5,000 years of Chinese culture and wisdom. It makes no sense that I am declaring — especially in Asian American Heritage Month — that I don’t endorse Asian cultural values.
But let’s be honest, even Asian cultures have their faults. So what are the dark sides of my Chinese heritage that I distance myself from? What are the Chinese cultural values with which I identify most?
What I like about Asian cultures
I love the fact that we are hard workers. Loyalty is in our name, and we would sacrifice everything to support our family. Family is our foundation.
Humility helps us to build character to some extent.
We don’t need financial gurus like Suze Orman in the Asian community because our motto is “save, save, and save.” Americans like to spend and borrow while many of my Asian friends hate to be in debt.
According to the 2010 Census, Asian Americans have the highest income and education level compared to others. We place high priority on education. We might not spend much money on luxurious items, but we are more than willing to pay for our kids’ expensive tuition at Ivy League colleges and private schools.
Hierarchy obstructs progress
Asian culture teaches us to obey authority and elders and to respect hierarchy.
When an elder speaks, we have to not only listen, but to also accept what they say, even though they may be wrong. Only in my 50s did I muster all my courage and tell my parents that they were wrong many times.
However, my sons often tell me, “Mom, you made a mistake.”
They have liked to correct my English pronunciations and point out my ignorance toward technology and popular culture ever since they were kids. No, I don’t mind that my children seem to be smarter than me. They are my best teachers sometimes. The more they grow, the more I treat them as equals. If I said that to my mother, she would feel that I was being disrespectful.
Japanese American Jeffrey Hattori and Chinese American Tony Au have had a strong friendship since they both worked as janitors at Seattle Keiro in the 1970s. (Photo by George Liu/NWAW)
“Face” ruins lives
We worry too much about what others think of us. Saving face is a big cultural burden among Asian immigrants. How many times are we afraid of doing something because of someone’s disapproval or the chance at gossip, even though we know it’s the right thing to do? Is it important to please yourself or to please everyone else?
Some Asians force themselves to buy an expensive house or accept a prestigious job because of “face.”
Getting rid of the “face” burden takes courage, but freeing yourself will be the reward.
Modesty is not the best answer
Asian culture emphasizes modesty. As a result, we shy away from promoting ourselves and speaking the truth even during critical times.
In America, you have an obligation to share your knowledge as it can save your co-workers’ time and your employer’s money. Yes, it might involve marketing yourself and even drawing attention to yourself, but, to me, sharing your skills and expertise is not bragging. Sometimes, it’s the best thing to do for yourself and your company. After all, how are you going to reach the stars if others don’t know your abilities and contributions? Do you want to break the glass ceiling? Marketing yourself at the right time and the right place is the key for Asian Americans to rise as leaders.
Quietness is your enemy
I was raised to be quiet and obedient, to not make noise or rock the boat. However, not speaking your mind is a mistake.
As publisher, I’ve learned that we have to challenge authority and injustice when it comes up.
Asking questions will change your life. You have a voice, and it’s up to you to use it. The more you use it, the more powerful it becomes.
Kelly and Jay Kwon, a mixed Chinese-American and Korean-American couple, leaving the church as husband and wife. (Photo by George Liu/NWAW)
Diversity is a gift
Had I not come to America, I would probably be a racist. My family instilled in me lots of good values, but also instilled were prejudices toward Blacks and other Asian ethnic groups because of what my family had gone through during the Sino-Japanese War. In their minds, all Japanese people are the same.
As community leader Jerry Lee said, “That’s 60 years ago, and those Japanese are dead.”
America has transformed me to be receptive toward new ideas and cultures. I am grateful that I have shared some beautiful friendships with Japanese Americans and other people of color. They have opened my mind and my heart.
To show my commitment toward diversity, I have started diversity machines through the Northwest Asian Weekly Foundation. We give out scholarships to whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans, Asians, and other students based on their work on diversity.
The other diversity project is the Women of Color Empowered lunch series. We bring the most diverse group of women together to learn, share, and support each other. It’s only in America that I could initiate programs like these.
Don’t forget, diversity is a gift.
Failure moves us forward
Failure is hard to accept in Asian cultures. Failure makes individuals feel guilty and shameful.
I have seen divorced women treated as outcasts in China even though their husbands were at fault. Making little money is also considered a failure in Asian cultures, and unhappy young people suffer more than they need to because they believe that they’re completely at fault. If you commit a crime, you would never get a second chance in Asia.
But America believes in redemption. Millions of dollars have been spent to help teenage parents go back to school to get their GED. Former drug addicts and gang members are given a second chance to make a difference in society. They go out and speak to youth, helping them keep their lives on track.
Community volunteers Bob Santos and Jen Phang and SCIDpda community supporter Gary Matsudaira at the ID Spring Roll in April. Phang volunteered to chair the event, donating much of her time to the event. (Photo by Assunta Ng/NWAW)
Giving back
My biggest disagreement with Asian cultural values is the belief that family should be the only ones we take care of. Each of us has a responsibility toward our community, our city, our state, and our country.
We should extend our generosity to people who don’t have the same last name.
That is what I admire about Americans who always offer help to strangers. After the Haiti earthquake, thousands of Americans went to the island to help rebuild. I have known many white Americans, including Bill Gates through his foundation, who have gone to Africa to develop clean water, work to eradicate polio, malaria, and other diseases, and to improve agricultural systems using their own time, money, and talents.
American culture preaches philanthropy and generosity. Asian Americans are slow to grasp the importance of giving back and embracing charitable causes.
Being both Asian and American has given me a little bit of liberty. It has shown me the freedom I have to be who I am, to choose what I believe, and to live the life I want. Without fear, I celebrate my ability to reject and keep the better of the two worlds. (end)
To read the publisher’s blog in Chinese, visit www.seattlechinesepost.com.
Excellent article.
I’m Taiwanese American – and in my mind, that means I can CHOOSE the best parts of being Taiwanese and American.
By selecting the best parts that work for me – and not just from those two cultures – I’ve managed to live a simple happy life that can withstand almost any kind of setback. And obviously I’m not the only person who enjoys this kind of clean happy lifestyle.
For those who are struggling to find their cultural comfort zone, my advice is for you to not be afraid to try new things and learn from all sorts of cultures.
It is frustrating reading article like yours. It is nasty and it sounds like another article to degrade Asians. I’ve seen similar articles far too often over the web, it is always Asians rejecting their own identity. Never a Westerner rejecting their own. Don’t you mean you hate the Chinese culture as opposed to Asian? This is an Uncle Wong syndrome. I make no apology for this. I admire about Korean and Japanese culture is that many of those have strong identities of their own. They are not perfect, no culture is but to me they are tight nit. I also have friends around the world who won’t hesitate to tell me problems of their own society.
I think part of your problem is your upbringing and failure to understand what being Asian is. I am Asian being brought up in the West and I have not experienced issues like yours. I have been taught to be open minded and won’t hesitate to speak out. If anything we don’t care what people think about us. But I have experienced and seen racism all throughout my life. You do realise discrimination is a huge problem in the West and there are plenty more problems out there. Many Asians have and are still being marginalised in society. If you haven’t seen or experienced this then lucky you. Why should Chinese culture behave like the West? What is the huge draw about Western culture that must be the defacto standard? Haven’t’ the West caused enough problems with the world already? Haven’t you seen Western arrogance spread around especially those in Asia? I thought the aftermath of Trump in power and Brexit will tell you the mentality society from those respective countries. As a poster above, you should understand your culture better.
Because we don’t deserve to be slaves to our parents’ whims. Because we want to have a dialogue with our parents, rather than listening to them lecture at us. Because we’re sick and tired of having ‘Asian Parenting’ be an excuse for emotional and physical abuse.
Quit taking things so personally and learn some responsibility. Not every criticism is an attempt to “degrade” you.
Why are you comparing your culture (I’m assuming Chinese) to Japanese and Korean culture? They’re both different political systems, which means they teach different values. And guess what those values are in comparison to the Chinese teach? They’re more western – freedom of speech and thought, a set of values where verbal and emotional abuse are not as widely accepted. You might have been a few of the fortunate ones to have been raised otherwise. Be grateful but open-minded about really goes on in your country.
To be honest, as a Korean I can definitely see where the author comes from. I detest my own culture as well and do my best to really avoid my own culture like a plague. Being raised in America mostly and now living in Korea makes me look at some of their culture in absolute disgust. I try to respect it, but I sure as hell don’t habe the obligation to be part of it.
The Chinese culture is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. It’s a culture deeply embedded on an ideology of slavery and hierarchy and it has not gone any better for thousands of years. While so many westerners naively think that China is awful because of the communist party, they actually completely mixed the reason and the result. What I see is that because the Chinese culture is deeply rooted in slavery and hierarchy, the fact that China has an autocratic government like the communist party is merely the result produced by the evil Chinese culture. If you look further back into the 5000-year-old Chinese history, it has always been repeating a cycle of old tyranny -> overthrow of the old tyranny -> new tyranny establishes, and this cycle has been repeating itself for countless of times. If China did not end up with a communist government, it would have ended up with something just as bad, if not worse. This is determined by the evil Chinese culture. Addition to this, the Chinese culture is also very hypocritical and selfish. While most Chinese would be angry at the fact their opinions are frequently oppressed, they would do the same thing to people who have ideas that they don’t like. The Chinese has never been, neither will they ever be like the westerners, who will not treat others equally and respect their freedom of speech, even though they might have ideas that you don’t agree with. So unless you get rid of the Chinese culture, you’ll never see China become a country like the western world where human rights are respected. Myself being born and raised in China, and I cannot detest the Chinese culture more than I can now. It is a culture of evil and it is essentially the enemy of the western culture that values human rights. The Chinese always claim their culture is most tolerant culture in the world, but the truth is that it is actually one of the least tolerant cultures I’ve ever seen and the Chinese are not ashamed of lying.
Its a good article and very true. Face does indeed ruin lives, and during my time in China I saw how it can ruin companies as well. Employees must never lose face, and to do this excuses are made on their behalf when they make mistakes. I got my contract terminated after I had an argument with the GM, who fired me to save face!! 6 months later the company re-hired me again after they were losing a substantial amount of money due to poor work ethic from the employees. Nobody were blamed for this which I found adsurd considering the company were nearly bankrupt. 2 yrs later we were in a much better financial state, then the GM once again wanted to me to leave. The company were unsure what to do, so I made the decision for them. I told them how I felt about their face culture and left for good!!
Interesting article and different perspective. I struggle with these issues myself and write a blog about it: https://asianamericangfonskype.wordpress.com/2017/03/05/self-hatred/
Hi,
I really like your wedding culture….
I would like to say its really nice to see….
I have share your wedding culture to my family members….
Cultural magazine
Ok firstly, you are generalizing ‘Asian Culture’ too much. Secondly you demonstrate self hate.
If I didn’t know any better than you, I might have assumed your interpretation of “Asian culture” is correct but many of the things mentioned isn’t true but your misconception.
But don’t feel bad, many other Asian Americans also makes this mistake. This is why they reject themselves and disassociate themselves with their people culturally, spiritually, racial in all aspects of their relationship.
The mistake here is made when they judge their own native culture through a ‘white liberal’ perspective. Not in the sense that they are wrong for being liberal but their ignorance and application of western idea on ethnic minorities is particularly damaging.
The ‘White liberal perspective’ see ethnic culture as inferior, let’s just say if you have this perspective, you were never meant to see any good in your heritage nor understand it.
In your mentioned areas, you’ve also applied the values incorrectly into the wrong situations.
The prejudices you have mentioned are not necessarily part of the culture but taught by the parents from themselves.
The cultural exchange is lost in translation, and since this failed you will reject yourself racially and culturally.
There is only one way around it so you won’t commit self genocide.
…..Know your people and culture better.
You just made a crap load of comments without substantiating any of them. You might want to provide a reason when you say that someone applies “certain values incorrectly into the wrong situations.” You don’t think the values “taught by the parents” is “part of the culture”? These values are rooted in the culture. “Cultural exchange is lost in translation” – Is that how you guys reason and justify why it’s okay to run a 2-year old toddler over 2-3 times on a street full of foot-traffic and bystanders, amongst other common unethical practices? Oh, how about stealing neighbors dogs and skinning them alive becags it “enhances” the taste? God forbid, if you must at least do it painlessly. Clearly the ability to reason is also lacking in the Chinese culture.
It’s very clear that the chief complaint in this thread is that Chinese culture does not value human rights the way of as much as Westerners do. It is a well-known issue that most of the world would agree with. What makes the Chinese look worse is when they don’t acknowledge flaws and attempt to defend themselves, in even the most extreme and obvious situations where they’re clearly in the wrong. Responsibility and poor ethics are major issues in China. It makes me sick how much money it has and what terrible people it breeds.
Allow me to qualify- my experience has specifically been with the Chinese so I can’t speak for other Asian cultures.
Great blog post Assunta!
You are indeed quite brave to post something like this. As a half-Chinese, it’s still very uncomfortable for me to explain to people I meet why I reject certain Asian cultural values, especially to other Asians.