By Carolyn Bick
NORTHWEST ASIAN WEEKLY
Mi-Yeoung Lee, the director of Social Services at KWA
Though she studied counseling in school with the intent to help families in all sorts of situations, it was helping her closest friend out of a domestic violence situation in South Korea that made Mi-Yeoung Lee want to keep helping domestic violence survivors.
“It was a very heavy case, and I was helping without any knowledge,” Lee explained.
Lee soon learned that it was very hard, at the time in South Korea, to get a judge to recognize a domestic violence situation as grounds for divorce and legal intervention. “[The court would say,] ‘This is a husband and wife’s problem or concerns,’” Lee recalled.
Lee now works as the Korean Women’s Association (KWA) social services director. She was instrumental in opening its first shelter for domestic violence survivors in 2004. A small group of women originally established KWA in 1972 with the primary goal of providing survival services to immigrant women in domestic violence situations. The organization has since expanded to include all people in need of help, and many different kinds of services, such as elder services and naturalization services.
Even though she now works within the United States’ legal system, which differs from South Korea’s, Lee explained that this still does not mean it is easy for a person in a domestic violence situation to escape or get help, especially if they are an immigrant with limited English fluency and limited financial means.
Often, Lee said, domestic violence that takes the form of or includes physical abuse may be easier to spot, since the person may have visible bruises or appear injured in some other way on a regular basis.
But domestic violence that takes the form of emotional violence and manipulation, sexual coercion, financial control, and threats to a person’s immigration status are less easy to spot, because they do not always carry a physical aspect with them.
“They try to hide it, and then try to ignore it, and try to minimize it—cover up as a survivor, in order to keep the relationship,” Lee said.
Regardless of the form the abuse takes, it is easier and sometimes feels safer to a person suffering from domestic violence to keep the abuse hidden, Lee said, particularly if the person is financially dependent upon their abuser, or if they are an undocumented immigrant or a person trying to become a United States citizen. The fear of deportation is a big reason why many immigrants who are being abused in their home lives do not say anything.
“They are scared of it. They are scared of losing their children. They are scared that they have to go back to their home country, without any consent,” Lee said. “And then [the abuser] threatens, ‘I can deport you if you don’t listen.’”
This situation becomes particularly difficult, Lee said, if the person also has limited English fluency.
“Think about that,” Lee said. “[The survivor] cannot speak English. [The survivor] can call the police of course—that’s the law. But when the police come, [the abuser] manipulates all the [communication], because he can speak English well, but the [survivor] cannot. And how can she say the story in front of [the abuser]? That happens all the time.”
In 2020, the Asian-Pacific Institute on Gender-Based Violence (APIGBV) released an extensive report detailing domestic violence in Asian and Pacific Islander homes. One study the institute cited found that 16%-55% of Asian women reported experiencing intimate physical violence, including sexual violence.
Another study focused on intimate partner violence found that 10.2% of Asian women reported experiencing what the study termed “minor” physical violence—pushing, grabbing, shoving, throwing something, slapping, or hitting—and that 1.5% reported “severe violence,” which included things like kicking, biting, punching, beating up, choking, burning or scalding, or threatening with a gun or knife.
Yet another study found that AAPIs were more likely to experience emotional abuse and manipulation from their in-laws, if they reported the abuse from their partner, versus those who did not report such abuse.
But the statistics don’t tell the whole story, Lee said. Domestic violence often goes under- or unreported in AAPI households for many reasons, including shame, fear of deportation, or losing the ability to simply survive. This is why, she said, the KWA started promoting its domestic violence survivors’ services in 1996 with what was essentially subtle messaging about the KWA being a safe place for survivors to go.
“We made a card to send, a brochure … and then sent it to our community. We didn’t say, ‘Come to me [if you are suffering] domestic violence,’” Lee said. “Rather, we said, ‘Do you have any issues in your family? Come to us. We will listen.’”
The communication dynamics within AAPI communities that Lee highlighted are important. For instance, the APIGBV report discusses a study that randomly sampled Japanese women in face-to-face interviews. The study focused on asking questions through the lens of socio-culturally rooted manifestations of violence, and found that “the use of a more socio-culturally inclusive measure resulted in an 18% increase in the reported rate of intimate partner’s physical violence (51.7%), compared to the rate obtained using the Conflict Tactics Scale, a widely used measure (33.6%). This finding underscores the importance of paying attention to the socio-cultural variations in manifestations of domestic violence.”
Once they can meet with a survivor, it can be easier to help them, because there may be more of a sense of safety and freedom to talk about what is happening, even if a survivor is not ready to leave their abuser.
At the KWA, there are different kinds of wraparound services available, Lee said. These include support groups, emergency shelter, and a coordinated entry program. But if a person is not ready to go in for help, concerned friends and family members can help in gentle, encouraging ways that don’t involve making the survivor feel confronted or like they have to answer questions. This can be as simple as suggesting they watch some YouTube videos on the topic, Lee said.
“I always say, ‘I’m here to help you. You can come anytime you need me.’ That helps them [feel like] they can call you, if they are scared of calling 911. And then they can call you and then you get help,” Lee said. “But [you] also need to be very careful. Meet somewhere else. Do not go out in front of the abuser.”
October is domestic violence awareness month. In addition to the KWA, people in need of help can reach out to API Chaya, InterIm CDA (housing assistance), or Refugee Women’s Alliance. APIGBV also provides a national directory of organizations that specifically serve the AAPI community. People may also find help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline, whose advocates are available 24/7 via phone, Internet chat, or text.