Ho ho ho, I think the Hallmark Channel is hiring Asians now

By Stacy Nguyen
Northwest Asian Weekly

I love this time of year! For one, I love the constant threat of snowfall bringing our entire infrastructure down to a grinding halt—for real! I love how it yields a slower paced life. I love hunkering down on the couch, underneath blankets, and binge-watching a bunch of content that guarantees happy endings (not that kind, pervs). Sometimes, we just need that dopamine hit. Here’s what I’ve been up to:

OMG, it’s ‘Father of the Bride’ meets ‘Look Who’s Coming to Dinner’ meets ‘Parent Trap,’ but in Bali!

If you’re one of those people who gets the Peacock streaming service free as part of your Xfinity internet package, run to your TV right now. Because Peacock has exclusive streaming rights to “Ticket to Paradise,” a movie reuniting George Clooney with Julia Roberts, one that typically costs about $20 to rent. However, with Peacock, you can watch it for zero dollars. Go do it now. Look, you know I love deals. I know you appreciate deals. You are welcome.

“Ticket to Paradise” is a movie about two divorced parents (Clooney and Roberts) whose law grad daughter (Kaitlyn Dever) falls in love with a Balinese seaweed farmer (Maxime Bouttier). This dude is so hot and so perfect in his intuitive sensitivity that said daughter decides to throw her law degree in the garbage and marry said hot Balinese dude right away. Her parents are pisssssed about this, and while they hate each other, they decide to conspire and partner up to do their very best to make their daughter super unhappy and to be low-key xenophobic and sometime even kinda racist to her innocent and hot Balinese seaweed farmer fiance.

Maxime Bouttier as a Balinese seaweed farmer

So I have a few things to say about this movie. First, Bouttier (the actor that plays the hot Balinese seaweed farmer) was born in France and is Indonesian. I think that is really exciting— for me—because do you know how often I find Indonesians to spotlight in this column? Yeah, just Rich Brian.

Secondly, as I was watching this movie, I realized just how little I know about other cultures, specifically Balinese culture. This movie showcased a number of suspect-to-me Balinese wedding cultural practices, and I was constantly like, “Hey, is this racist? Or am I the asshole for thinking that centuries of tradition looks all racist? Do they really do that thing with the knife?”

‘Tis the season for contrived romances with dubious chemistry between two protagonists, one of which is Asian! Huzzah!

Guys, I really enjoy corny Christmas movies even though they are usually not that good. See, I respect the craft that goes into making them. I respect the hardworking people who have a passion for magic-making in the show. I like seeing Christmas trees! I like it when city folk inherit farms and then have to go on said farm to labor comically like a fish out of water before falling in love with the tractor-driver who is very beautiful but who is also off-puttingly clean-looking.

“A Hollywood Christmas” is kinda about that—it’s about the heroic people who make these kinds of movies, I mean. (But at the same time, it’s also one of these movies! It is meta!)

“A Hollywood Christmas” is about a Christmas romance movie director who falls in love with the brash network exec who swoops into town with a singular mission: to shut her movie the hell down.

The director character is played by Jessika Van, who is American and a pianist and dancer in addition to being an actor and IRL director.

This movie isn’t the greatest, but it was really refreshing to see an Asian woman as the protagonist in “A Hollywood Christmas,” because this kind of movie role is typically populated by white women with blond hair.

Hey, is that really tense, distrusting man on ‘The White Lotus’ Asian? Why yes!

My sister tricked me into watching the first few episodes of “The White Lotus,” an acclaimed HBO series about a bunch of rich white people who visit a luxury resort chain called The White Lotus. On their vacation, these rich white people act real ridiculous—and there’s a murder to figure out! Maybe!

I got totally hooked by this show, which just finished a really fun and intriguing second season. Because “The White Lotus” is an anthology, this most recent season features brand new characters, one of which is tech bro Ethan Spiller (played by Will Sharpe), who just cannot figure out if his wife, Harper (Aubrey Plaza), is banging his pretty terrible friend Cameron (Theo James) behind his back or nah.

I won’t spoil that mystery for you, but I will tell you that while the character of Ethan was losing his mind because of jealousy, I sometimes struggled to stay in his journey because I was all like, “Yo, is this actor Asian? He looks mixed. Or maybe Latinx.”

Hey, he totally is Asian! He’s actually super Asian. Dare I say he’s even more Asian than I am. Sharpe’s full name is William Tomomori Fukuda Sharpe. He is English, he is definitely mixed, his mother is Japanese, and he was raised in Tokyo until the age of 8. He is not only an actor, but also an acclaimed writer and director. Very cool. I had no idea because he played his tech bro character so well!

Lightning fast reviews (of movies and shows featuring Asians)

I have so much to tell you, but we just don’t have the time and space to get into a lot of depth with each other. So I’m just gonna drop some quick notes for you to think about as you settle into the holiday. I hope you have some time off. I hope you get to rest. I hope you feel the same way I do about the following things, because I think unwavering agreement is the basis of a strong friendship.

“Creamerie,” on Hulu

Hot take: New Zealand production from the brilliant mind of Roseanne Liang, starring four Asian female leads who run a dairy farm—in a world where men have gone extinct. But then one day, a random white dude shows up! Gasp! Watch this!

“Ghosts,” on Paramount+

Hot take: Utkarsh Ambudkar and Rose McIver play a couple who are trying to run a super cute bed and breakfast. Unfortunately, dead people keep making best laid plans run amok with their zany antics. I am so glad every time I see Ambudkar grace my screen. Def watch this if you enjoy wholesomeness tinged with a funny smattering of death and darkness.

“Pitch Perfect: Bumper in Berlin,” on Peacock

Hot take: Jameela Jamil plays Gisela, a kinda-evil German pop star. I didn’t realize it was her until three episodes in, and by then, I was already deep in the middle of hate-watching this. I don’t mind it when people break out into song, but I don’t think I like mediocre beat-boxing by white people or acapella renditions of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.” Skip this one.

“Sex Lives of College Girls,” on HBO

Hot take: Co-created and executive produced by Mindy Kaling, this show follows multiracial, intersectional Gen Z college girls as they navigate school, sex, and love. Amrit Kaur plays Bela. I feel too old for this show because I just do not care about what these characters care about. Maybe check this one out if you find yourself constantly wishing there was more explicitness in the portrayal of sex on the CW shows that you love.

“Welcome to Chippendales,” on Hulu

Hot take: Kumail Nanjiani as the puppetmaster and visionary behind the OG Magic Mike concept. Based on a true story. Involves murder. Nanjiani is acting his ass off. Highly recommend.

Stacy Nguyen can be reached at stacy@nwasianweekly.com.