By Stacy Nguyen
Northwest Asian Weekly
The aughts are experiencing quite a revival in terms of style, swag, and just general stuff. (The aughts refer to the 2000s. I just learned this recently and thought it was weird-sounding enough to try and use in this column.)
My early adulthood happened in the aughts, so to see something I lived through suddenly be spotlighted as quaintly retro by Gen Zers makes me feel old.
Which is probably something Vin Diesel can relate to …
Vin Diesel drove away ‘Fast X’ director Justin Lin because Diesel cannot accept his mortality
Vin Diesel often strikes me as a super insecure dude who overcompensates by how small he feels sometimes by being excessively masculine. Like, he isn’t well known for his work outside of the “Fast and Furious” films—and the long-running franchise is closing up shop after its 10th and final installment, “Fast X.” (Get it? Closing up shop?)
After this, Diesel will just be a super rich male former action star barreling fast toward his 60s. It must be hard to contend with aging when you’ve always been known for physical feats on-screen, right?
It must be, because Diesel has been acting like quite a B, so much that he caused long-time “Fast and Furious” franchise director Justin Lin to full-on quit a couple of weeks ago, citing that the movie was not worth his mental health. The Hollywood Reporter alleged that Diesel, who is also a producer on this upcoming movie, was basically an egotistical ass, and Lin was over it.
And walking away supposedly cost him $10-$20 million! Whoa! His parents must be so disappointed in him!
And good for him! It must’ve been hard to hang around Diesel’s delusion all day every day.
Ali Wong and Justin Hakuta divorcing…yay?
Marriage is hard. I say this as a person who has never been married before in my life. But I’ve been around unhappily married people and sometimes they say stuff like, “Never get married, Stacy.” And I’m like, “Okay! But I’m not refraining ‘cause you told me so! I’m refraining ‘cause this is already the life trajectory I’m on!”
I remember this observation I had when I listened to Ali Wong’s memoir-slash-audiobook, “Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, and Advice for Living Your Best Life.” That observation was that Wong seemed incongruently marriage-focused or marriage-obsessed whenever that topic came up in her book, without giving a sense-making logic for it (to me).
I obviously don’t know her, but it makes me wonder just how much of us grow up being told we want something and need to do something—so much that we just roll with it—only to slowly realize over the ensuing years that we were too young to really know what we needed.
Because of this thought, I would like to congratulate Wong and Hakuta for their years together and the family they created, and for making what is probably a difficult decision to change things up. I wish them happiness in their futures.
Cancel all your weekend plans. ‘Bling Empire’ is coming back May 13!
When “Bling Empire” first premiered on Netflix at the beginning of 2021, it was this beautiful breath of excessive, kinda superficial, deliciously dramatic air that was exactly what I needed in the midst of being holed up alone in a dark den because of the pandemic. It was this window into a different universe, where Asians with incredible wealth—and a hot dude named Kevin—were able to hang out with each other, leave their homes, and breathe on each other in private jets.
I loved it for what it was: Really rich Asians buying a bunch of stuff they don’t need, whilst being mired in their own microcosm of ‘problems’ that they could really easily solve if they were better at direct communication.
Here are questions I want answered in season two:
Is Kelly still in an abusive relationship with a Power Ranger who probably had a contentious relationship with his dad, based on the way he treats women?
Is Christine still letting her in-laws control her uterus?
Will Kim throw another penis pump out the window and then be bad at apologizing for it?
Will Anna fess up to the fact that her family’s wealth was built on the blood of countless
Vietnamese bodies, or what?
Inquiring minds want to know! May 13. Mark your calendars.
(Also, I already Googled. There’s no news about “House of Ho” getting a season two.)
OMG pre-order your BTS Tamagotchi soon
I feel like I’m just planning your life via this column at this point.
You need to pre-order your $19.99 BTS Tamagotchi soon, even though you won’t get it until October. It might sell out, and then you will look like a fool come this winter—a fool, I say!—when all of your friends are carrying around TinyTan characters (cute little animated versions of BTS members) in their pockets, and all you’ve got in yours is lint and maybe also fat stacks.
You should already know, but for the kids: Tamogotchis were a Japanese toy from the late 90s/early 2000s, featuring digital pets that you feed and love on so they don’t die. They were an entry point in pet ownership for an Asian kid (unfortunately without the IRL cuddles). Asian parents liked them because it didn’t leave soft poop nuggets on the carpet.
I know what you’re thinking:
“CAN BTS MEMBERS DIE IN THE NEW TAMAGOTCHIS?”
I don’t know. But I will find out for us. I’ll let you know in October, later this year.
Stacy Nguyen can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.