By Vivian Nguyen
NORTHWEST ASIAN WEEKLY
When Coline Young (she/her) changed her name to reflect her identified gender, it dawned on her that she didn’t need to feminize her name.
“I had a narrow minded idea about what a transgender name should be,” said Young about herself at the time.
To combat her dysphoria, Coline added an ‘e’ to her middle name and pronounced it differently to feminize her chosen name.
Now, at 17 years old, Coline is more confident about her name and how she presents herself. While she doesn’t have “stereotypical feminine interests,” Coline does enjoy wearing skirts and dresses, and getting her nails done. (Her nails were painted teal at the time of interview for this story.)
Coming-of-age online and offline
Coline has had a strong sense about her true gender from a young age. And for an online gaming enthusiast like herself, Roblox was a haven where she felt the most comfortable. She started playing the online game from a young age, and often styled her character like a girl and went by the name “Holly.”
“It was a safe space because you couldn’t see my face or hear my voice,” she said. “Everything in the game is censored heavily so there’s no fear of backlash.”
By age 9, Coline had socially transitioned to her online friends, but it would be some time until she came out offline.
When it came to her tween years, Coline admitted this was a tough period with her mother, Elizabeth Young.
It wasn’t until Coline was 14 years old that she finally came out as transgender offline. She told her therapist first who helped her come out to her mom next.
“I was surprised, and not surprised,” said Elizabeth.
Elizabeth didn’t like the name “Coline” at first. As a parent, she emotionally struggled with letting go of the name she had originally chosen for her child. But she warmed up over time, and now understands how a kid should be able to have autonomy and choose their name, instead of the parent.
And while it had crossed her mind that Coline might identify as queer, Elizabeth had assumed it would be related more to sexuality instead of gender.
“I wanted to be supportive, but I had to be educated a lot,” said Elizabeth. “I thought it was going to be simple—it was my own ignorance on the subject. Like, ‘We can just put up a Pride flag and go dress shopping, get our nails done,’ but it’s much more complicated than that.”
Love, support, and understanding
Although Coline’s received mostly positive support in her community, it wasn’t always that way.
At her two previous schools, Coline wasn’t out at one of them, and the second one had an unwelcoming environment for queer people.
But in September 2021, Coline enrolled at Summit Olympus, a charter school in Tacoma. She credited her current school for fostering a welcoming environment for students from all backgrounds, and noted how the visibility of Pride flags made her feel at home.
“That was shocking to see,” said Coline. “The school was actually saying, ‘We’re supportive of openly queer people.’”
After Coline came out offline, she started to go to Oasis Youth Center (Oasis), a gender clinic in Tacoma, which became her in-real-life haven. Oasis welcomes and serves LGBTQ+ youth through leadership, advocacy, and prevention programming. While Coline likes the organization for the different programs it offers, including art nights for people of color, Elizabeth enjoys the support resources for parents.
“I didn’t know anyone who was trans before Coline, so this support group really helped,” said Elizabeth.
There’s also been an evolution of love, support, and understanding between mother and daughter ever since Coline came out.
“I was constantly fighting with my mom before,” said Coline. “I was angry all the time before I came out and transitioned medically. Now, we understand each other more, and that’s been great.”
“Coline bringing me into her journey has allowed me to be closer to her and learn a lot,” said Elizabeth. “I’ve been able to watch her personality return, and I feel like I’ve gotten my child back. It’s been amazing.”
For Coline, who’s a quarter Chinese and white-passing, she’s received largely positive support from her Chinese family—even if they don’t fully understand what’s happening.
“Sometimes it’s hard to be sure, especially with older generations where there’s a language barrier,” said Elizabeth, who’s half Chinese, about their family.
“I was concerned that, being Chinese and coming from a Catholic background on my white side, that our family would hold ‘old world beliefs.’ But they’ve been very supportive [of Coline]. If you do have family with more traditional values, you might be surprised that it could be more positive than negative.”
On advice to other families
Although every transgender person’s journey is different, for Coline, she felt affirmed in her gender when she started hormones at age 15.
When asked about advice she’d give to other transgender kids like herself, “Don’t be afraid to try hormones. They can be intimidating, but you will likely know in the first two months if they’re right for you,” she said.
“And if they’re not [right], that’s OK, too. It doesn’t make you any less trans. It just means that you might not fit into a binary box.”
As for parents, Elizabeth empathizes with those who want to be supportive, but might have reservations about the impact of hormones on health and fertility.
“It might seem scary at first if your child does want to go on hormones,” said Elizabeth.
“But for our situation, we moved forward with it because seeing how much happier my child is outweighed any of the risks that I was concerned about.”
For more information, visit www.facebook.com/OasisYouthCenter.
Vivian Nguyen can be reached at info@nwasianweekly.com.