By Assunta Ng
Northwest Asian Weekly
Have you ever wondered what’s inside President Trump’s brain? It’s absolutely fascinating.
According to scientific studies, our left brain guides us logic, mathematics, language and process, while our right brain deals with creativity, emotions, intuition, and the big picture.
Imagine dissecting Trump’s brain. Oops, his left brain has completely obscured the right brain. His right brain is much smaller and undeveloped underneath his blonde white hair. Trump’s IQ and EQ (emotional quotient or intelligence) are low and even negative in many areas. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest), Trump’s score in imagination is 1; compassion, -10; empathy, -10; love, 1; hate, 9; love of power, 10; big picture ability, 1; learning motivations, 0; and rage, 10.
What about his left brain? An egomaniac, his whole left brain is filled with ME, ME, ME, ME. Next to the “me” word, there is always a dollar sign. On the edge of Trump’s left brain, scores on the following characteristics include—cheating, 9; evil, 9; language skills, 2; distortion skills, 10; honesty, -10; organizational skills, 2; and crisis management skills, 1. Everything about his brain is alarming.
Since his brain is so imbalanced, he often makes a fool of himself by bluffing to show he knows more than he does, giving misinformation, including injecting disinfectants and UV light to kill COVID-19.
One joke I received about Trump’s brain was, “In his left brain, he has nothing left. And in his right brain, he has never done anything right.”
Am I being insensitive for finding humor in a pandemic? Well, I am not the creator, just a collector of coronavirus jokes.
My argument is, being sheltered in for so long, we need to laugh a bit, loosen up, and lighten up to relieve our stress. Finding humor in our daily lives is important for our mental health.
These light moments were sent from several sources. Much of them were from my former University of Washington and Hong Kong high school classmates, who now live in different parts of America and the world.
Masks made from women’s underwear
Workers complain that some employers haven’t provided masks to protect them. Watch YouTube, you will discover that masks are easy to make. From the conventional methods of cutting out old winter T-shirts and cloth bags, to creative approaches of adapting from sponges, plastic water bottles, Star War costumes, and even women’s underwear, there is no limit to your imagination to design your own special masks.
This is no joke. Pakistan television stations reported that China sent thousands of masks made from women’s underwear, including bras, to the Muslim country. To have their men wearing women’s underwear as masks, you can imagine how angry the Pakistani were.
Funny mask moments
Another ironic joke is: “Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d go up to a bank teller with a mask and ask for money.”
Another fun story is about a couple in a supermarket. A man said, ”My wife and I went to a grocery store. Of course, we had face masks and goggles to be safe. When we got there, there were many people. It was scary! I didn’t want to get the virus. So I decided to pull my wife to go home. But she refused to go with me. I dragged her back to the car. In the car, she is angry…When we removed the mask, I saw that it was not my wife.”
Not a joke
Someone said, “I miss the days when I sneezed in public, and people around me would say, ‘Bless you.’ Now, they say, ‘Get the hell out of here.’”
Quarantine or a human right?
“Social distancing, I see you. No social distancing, ICU.”
“Quarantine, no human right. No quarantine, no human left.”—Hong Kong sources.
The virus effect
A woman said, “Before coronavirus, I wore size 6. Now, nothing fits anymore.”
2020 Year of the Rat
My friend Cari Murotani said, “We are acting like them (rats). We are all hiding at home. We only come out for food. We store food to eat later. We run when people appear.”
Hopefully, we are not going to behave like rats forever. Be happy that you have survived the pandemic. And thank you for sheltering in for the sake of others and yourself.
Assunta can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.