By Stacy Nguyen
Northwest Asian Weekly
Happy March! This month, we learn about the lengths an Asian parent will go to, to ensure that their beloved child gets the bestest leg up in the world. There’s just nothing that compares to an Asian parent’s love, you know?
King of durian empire tries to marry off daughter in bizarro tournament, says ‘just kidding!’ when called out
Arnon Rodthong is Thai, rich, and made his money selling the best damn fruit in the entire world (I will fight you on this.). But you know what money can’t buy?
Yes. A husband to take care of his gorgeous-ass 26-year-old daughter who stands to inherit his fortunes.
So what is a concerned parent to do?
Well, this guy staged a competition in which suitors will show up to his durian farm or plant or factory and work for three months. Last man standing wins. He said he’d give away $300,000 and his daughter.
He is industrious, you have to give him that. Also, is this kind of like, straight up slavery? Like, what is this?
Sadly, we will never get to see the tournament get underway. It got cancelled, reportedly because Rodthong’s wife chewed him out for trying to sell their daughter away.
To Thairath News, he said this:
“I’m really sorry about canceling the April 1 tryout. I think it’ll be chaos for sure because it is a busy market. And my warehouse can only hold 200–300 people. I’m so tired. I had no idea it was going to get this far. I was originally just joking with my 5,000 [Facebook] friends. But I really am looking for a son-in-law.”
It’s a rough life, man.
Whoa, Miyazaki is a BAMF who tells it like it is
I typically cannot watch animated movies and enjoy them because my imagination just doesn’t work like that, you know?
But the one cushy spot for me has always been Hayao Miyazaki films. “Spirited Away” is one of my favorite movies ever. His films are deep, never dumbed down, wildly creative, and also they are often so sad and real — and that’s why I love them.
So imagine how I felt when one of my personal heroes just goes on a rant and slams Hollywood movies for being too violent, too racist, and too dumb.
OMG, I loved it!
Japanese blogs unearthed interviews that Miyazaki did years ago. Translated by Kotaku (who totally didn’t get why Miyazaki is so mad, y’all), Miyazaki reportedly went on a truth-giving tirade, to the tune of, “If someone is the enemy, it’s okay to kill endless numbers of them. Lord of the Rings is like that. If it’s the enemy, there’s killing without separation between the civilians and soldiers. That falls within collateral damage. How many people are being killed in attacks in Afghanistan? The Lord of the Rings is a movie that has no problem doing that, [not separating civilians from enemies, apparently]. If you read the original work, you’ll understand, but in reality, the ones who were killed are [analogs of] Asians and Africans. Those who don’t know that, yet say they love fantasy, are idiots.”
Warner Bros CEO steps down because, you know, sex scandal
Kevin Ken Tsujihara was the first Asian American to run a major Hollywood studio ever, guys. And then he ruined it for all of us because he couldn’t keep it in his pants.
Tsujihara, who is married, had some of his text messages leaked this month. The texts showed an extra marital affair with Charlotte Kirk, a 26-year-old woman who, in the texts, talked about their sexual relationship and also argued with Tsujihara about him getting her roles in movies and TV. The texts got heated, cruel words were said, people accused other people of being used as sexual bait, people called other people despicable, people were accused of trying to extort other people for plum acting roles. You know, just general lovers quarrel stuff.
Amid this public controversy, Tsujihara stepped down earlier this month, citing that the investigation into the texts are too distracting.
“However, it has become clear that my continued leadership could be a distraction and an obstacle to the company’s continued success,” Tsujihara said in a release.
“The hard work of everyone within our organization is truly admirable, and I won’t let media attention on my past detract from all the great work the team is doing.”
Did you know that an Asian mom called out Aunt Becky?
You probably are already aware of how Lori Loughlin, Aunt Becky on “Full House,” is among the cadre of high-profile rich white people who paid a lot of money to get her daughters into fancy universities, even though her daughters don’t seem particularly qualified to do stuff that they got scholarships for, like rowing.
Well, did you know that the woman who brought a $500 million lawsuit at Lori Loughlin’s feet is Asian mom Jennifer Kay Toy, who just really swung for the fences with this one? Toy was a teacher in Oakland and filed her lawsuit in San Francisco.
She said her son — her only child, guys — was denied access to a college because rich people think it’s okay to buy their way through life. Her son reportedly had a 4.2 GPA, but Toy claims he didn’t get his fair shake in the admissions department at elite schools because the system is corrupt. She said that more than 1 million people like her were affected by scamming.
I honestly do not know whether or not to cheer for this woman or to just awkwardly avoid eye contact and look away. Sometimes, it’s like, I wish Asian moms would get really worked up over like other kinds of injustice and file $500 million lawsuits against those, you know? Like, it would be cool if Asian moms were the whistleblowers on like, the predatory pharmaceutical industry keeping people of color and poor people down by strategically flooding communities of color with drugs.
We are getting a Shang-Chi movie, and it’s being directed by Destin Daniel Cretton!
Destin Daniel Cretton is 40, was born in Hawaii, and he’s attached to direct Marvel’s Shang-Chi movie.
Shang-Chi is a Marvel comic book superhero who is not as well known. He is Chinese (hollaaa!) and also the son of villain Fu Manchu (dicey and racist, but okay).
Shang-Chi is half American white, half Chinese, because of course he is (most Marvel/DC comic book characters of Asian descent are half white because … it just seems right.). Shang-Chi is a kung fu wizard (I dearly hope he has more superpowers than this) who learns that his dad is a freaking crook and murderer and then has a lot of feelings about it.
I’m excited to see how this movie will be updated to not be offensive and out of date! I’m super excited to see some Asian hotties onscreen.
I am also urging you guys to not call this movie Yellow Panther. Dear God, please.
Watch SNL this weekend okay? Our fave is on it
Sandra Oh is hosting “Saturday Night Live” for the first time this weekend on March 30 because this 47-year-old woman is an award-winning actor who has been working for decades and people are only just now realizing she’s like, mega talented and hella charming to boot.
Tune in. Watch her be funny. She has bangs right now, you guys! I love it!
Stacy Nguyen can be reached at email@example.com.